When Is It Time to Consider Hospice Care for a Loved One?
This may be the most difficult question a family ever faces. You are watching someone you love struggle. You are exhausted from hospital visits, from managing medication, from carrying fear alongside grief. And somewhere in the back of your mind, a quiet question has started forming:
“Is it time to ask for more help?”
If you are asking that question, this article is for you. Not to push you toward any decision — but to give you honest, clear information so that whatever you choose, you choose it with confidence and peace.
Why Families Wait — And Why That Matters
In Zambia, and across much of the world, families often wait far longer than they need to before reaching out for palliative or hospice care. Sometimes it is because they fear what it means. Sometimes it is because no one told them help was available. Sometimes it is because they worry that asking for hospice care will feel like giving up on their loved one.
We understand all of those feelings. And we want to say this clearly:
“Choosing comfort is not giving up. It is choosing dignity.”
Palliative care, at its best, is not the end of the story. It is the part of the story where a person is truly seen, genuinely supported, and surrounded by care that honours who they are. Many families tell us they only regret not calling sooner.
Why Families Wait — And Why That Matters
There is no single moment when hospice care “starts.” But there are signs — physical, emotional and practical — that often indicate a person would benefit from the kind of holistic, round-the-clock support we provide at Our Lady’s Hospice.
| SIGN 1: Pain That Is Not Being Managed Well
When a person is experiencing persistent pain that their current treatment is not adequately controlling, it is time to ask for help. Unmanaged pain is not something anyone should simply endure. Our palliative care team specialises in pain management — not to mask the illness, but to restore as much comfort and quality of life as possible. You do not have to accept that your loved one is in pain. |
| SIGN 2: Frequent Hospital Admissions
If your loved one has been admitted to hospital three or more times in the past few months for the same condition, it may be a sign that the illness is progressing and that a different kind of care — one focused on comfort rather than repeated acute intervention — would serve them better. Hospice care often reduces unnecessary hospital visits and gives patients more peaceful time at home or in a calm inpatient setting. |
| SIGN 3: The Illness Is Progressing Despite Treatment
For patients with HIV/AIDS, cancer, or other serious illnesses, there comes a point when the body stops responding to curative treatment as it once did. This is not failure. It is the natural course of serious illness. When treatment is no longer stopping the progression, the focus can shift — to comfort, to dignity, to quality of remaining life. This shift is not abandonment. It is wisdom. |
| SIGN 4: Significant Weight Loss or Reduced Appetite
When a person living with serious illness begins losing significant weight, eating very little, or losing interest in food and drink, it is often a sign that the body is slowing down. Our nutrition and care team can provide support, guidance, and appropriate supplements to manage this as compassionately as possible. |
| SIGN 5: Increasing Withdrawal and Loss of Interest
When a patient begins withdrawing from family, from conversations they used to enjoy, from activities that once brought them pleasure — it is often not depression alone. It can be a natural part of the body preparing for the end of life. Recognising this allows families to respond with presence rather than pressure. Our counselling team supports both patients and families through this change. |
| SIGN 6: The Caregiver Is Reaching Breaking Point
If you are the primary caregiver — a spouse, a parent, an adult child — and you are exhausted beyond what you thought possible, that matters too. Caregiver burnout is real, and it affects the quality of care a patient receives. Reaching out for hospice support is not admitting defeat. It is choosing to sustain your ability to be present for the person you love. We care for the caregiver as much as we care for the patient. |
| SIGN 7: The Patient Themselves Has Expressed a Wish for Comfort
Sometimes the person who is ill already knows. They are tired of hospitals. They want to be home, or in a calm, faith-filled space. They have said — in words or in silence — that they want peace more than intervention. Honouring that wish is one of the most loving things a family can do. Listening to your loved one is never giving up. It is giving them what they need most. |
On Guilt — The Feeling No One Talks About
Almost every family we have ever worked with has felt it. The guilt of wondering whether they called too late, or too soon. Whether they should have tried one more treatment. Whether choosing hospice care means they stopped fighting for their loved one.
We want to name that feeling directly, and then gently challenge it.
Choosing hospice care is not giving up the fight. It is changing what you are fighting for. Instead of fighting the illness — which may be beyond what medicine can cure — you are fighting for your loved one’s comfort. For their dignity. For their peace. For the kind of presence and attention that only specialised palliative care can give.
There is no failure in choosing to love someone by choosing their comfort. That is not a lesser love. That is, in many ways, the deepest love of all.
In our Catholic tradition, we believe that every moment of human life has value — including the last. Especially the last. Accompanying someone well in their final season is a profound act of faithfulness. It is not giving up. It is showing up, fully, for someone you love.
How to Have the Conversation With Your Family
One of the hardest parts of considering hospice care is not the decision itself — it is the conversation. Talking about end-of-life care feels frightening, as if naming it will somehow make it more real.
Here are a few gentle approaches that families have found helpful:
| APPROACH | WHAT TO SAY |
| Start with care, not crisis | “I love you and I want to make sure you are getting the very best support. Can we talk about what would help you feel most comfortable?” |
| Focus on quality of life | “I’ve been reading about a type of care that focuses on how you feel every day, not just the illness. Can I tell you what I found?” |
| Invite their voice | “What matters most to you right now? What does a good day look like for you?” |
| Name the elephant gently | “I know this is hard to talk about. But I think we both know things are changing, and I want us to face that together.” |
| Bring in support | “Our Lady’s Hospice has a counselling team. Would you be willing to speak with someone together? It doesn’t commit us to anything.” |
What Happens When You Contact Our Lady’s Hospice
We want you to know exactly what to expect when you reach out to us — because uncertainty is one of the things that makes families hesitate.
| What Happens When You Call
① You will speak to a real person. Not a machine. Not an automated menu. A member of our team. ② We will listen. You can say as much or as little as you need to. There is no right way to start this conversation. ③ We will explain your options clearly, without pressure. We will never push you toward a decision. ④ If appropriate, we will arrange an assessment visit — at our centre or at your home. ⑤ You remain in control at every stage. Nothing happens without your involvement and agreement. |
There is no cost to calling. There is no cost to asking. And there is no patient we will turn away.
A Word for Families of Faith
Many families who come to us are people of deep faith — Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Adventist and many others. And many of them have wrestled with whether choosing hospice care aligns with their belief in life, in prayer, in miracles.
We want to honour that wrestling. We do not dismiss it.
At Our Lady’s Hospice, we believe that God is present in the room of the suffering person. We believe that a nurse who holds a patient’s hand through the night is doing holy work. We believe that prayer and medicine are not opposites — they are companions.
Choosing hospice care does not mean stopping prayer. It means adding presence, skill, and compassion to that prayer. It means saying: “I will not leave you. I will be with you. Whatever comes.
Care that honours life from its beginning to its natural end.
You Do Not Have to Make This Decision Alone
If something in this article has spoken to your situation, please do not carry it alone.
Call us. Speak to our counsellors. Come and visit. Ask every question you have. There are no wrong questions here, and no conversation that is too early to have.
Our Lady’s Hospice has walked alongside families in Lusaka for more than 20 years. We have sat in the uncertainty with many families before you. We know how heavy this is. And we know how much it matters to have someone beside you who knows the way.
| We Are Here. Call Any Time.
Plot 8668, Kamloop’s Road, Kalingalinga, Lusaka, Zambia You do not need a referral. You do not need the right words. You only need to reach out. |
| About Our Lady’s Hospice and Health Centre
Our Lady’s Hospice and Health Centre is a faith-based palliative care centre in Kalingalinga, Lusaka, Zambia. Founded in 2003 by Franciscan Missionaries of the Divine Motherhood, we provide compassionate inpatient and outpatient care for patients living with HIV/AIDS, cancer, and life-threatening illness. We never turn anyone away, regardless of ability to pay. All faiths are welcome. Website: ourladyshospice.org.zm · Phone: +260 977 740 427 |
